1.2.2016

So this is the begining of a new year ... so here we go again. I love my job, the people I work with are great, which is awesome. I am still stuck in the same spot as I was last year. My new year was brought in with my puppy again. Which was nice because at least I have someone. I am not depressed. I am interested in someone but it seems to be complex. I want to be caught, I want to be swept off my feet and it just doesn't seem to be happening. So I am not sure what I should do. I will not make the first step, he is the guy, that is his job. I know he is probably shy and since he has an ex-wife so i understand being a little gun shy. He likes me i think, then i think maybe he likes sara and not me. I just don't know... I have a lot of hope for this year... New house New bf??? Start my new life since my life seems to be in limbo...

How does one be supportive and want something at the same time...
so like everything in life, it starts with ...
so i am in love with a guy.
i want him to be with me,
i want him to move here
i want him near me
but at the same time
how do i say that
he is talking about school
i can't have him move here without a place to stay
he can't stay with me,
since i am with my parents
and going to be here for at least 9 months
i can't move out until my brother has a job
and can pay the bills...
so as much as i want him to be here
i can prob get him a job at the store in gfield
but he still has school can he survive
he said somthing about a friend
wanting to move to here and
i don't know if that is still true
i want him
i love him
i just want what is best for him
and i am hoping that is me...
hoping

12.31.14

As i sit here and think about this year. I have moved to a new city and got a new job, which is great. But as far as love...i have come to the realization that i love someone i can't have. i have always loved his and he loved me. So as i sit here alone on new years eve in an empty house thinking about love and life. I just have to except that i am alone and have to be happy with it, even though i am used to being alone it is going to be harder when i move into an empty house. it will be just like this... I went back to my brother's and sister in laws for christmas i have never felt more out of place in my life...i am not home anywhere. not here not there, no where i fit in, i don't even fit in at work but i am trying really hard at that... so here is to a new year... can only go up from here, right? i can always have hope

7.23.11

How does one be supportive and want something at the same time...
so like everything in life, it starts with ...
so i am in love with a guy.
i want him to be with me,
i want him to move here
i want him near me
but at the same time
how do i say that
he is talking about school
i can't have him move here without a place to stay
he can't stay with me,
since i am with my parents
and going to be here for at least 9 months
i can't move out until my brother has a job
and can pay the bills...
so as much as i want him to be here
i can prob get him a job at the store in gfield
but he still has school can he survive
he said somthing about a friend
wanting to move to here and
i don't know if that is still true
i want him
i love him
i just want what is best for him
and i am hoping that is me...
hoping

9/16

is there a thin line that sepertes the hope fromt the hopeless
deep in my heart i know thare is someone for me but
i am starting to only believe it deep down
well, i am waiting..what is he doing?
is he waiting for me or he living life
i watch life unfold for everyone around me
what am i to do
i hate rejection and i don't want to put myself out there
i am afraid i hate tht i feel like that
it makes me mad to feel afraid of anything at all
i am going to ca, i am excited can't wait maybe
this will be good for me
maybe i will learn something about myself
...find a way to let it go
i just want to find my happiness
find my heart, find my hope



...and i felt hope

(6/6) jon. So finally carl tells jon that he is still in love with him to which jon didn't make a reply. So jon hasn't heard from carl in a couple of weeks.

(5/6) he wants jons number so i forward the text and jon says to give it to him. They talk for a week but carl doesn't want his wife to know he is talking to