5/30

I had to go to a meeting for work. Our store is getting a brand new check cashing policy and process since we now just their ssn and dln now they will have to enroll their finger print and ssn, dln, employer name, supervisor, and phone #. technology is great...it will be intresting next few days, week, month...oh well
other than that i just cleaned my room...it needed it but i guess i should go to bed now...

Sorry

I think that is a word that i use too much. I am sorry. I'm sorry. I bet i say that at least a million times a day. But when you think about it what does it really mean to be sorry. I tell people all the time that i am sorry that this rang up wrong (like i have controll of it) but it is something that i have to say. So when you are truely sorry most people don't believe you. I am totally going to go off subject here. I am thinking about someones relationship that didn't work out and i am truely sorry that it fell to pieces but i told this person all about her and how she was have a hard to with a recent breakup but he didn't listen. And that makes me feel so sorry for him. And as i am thinking about why his relationship didn't work out I start to think about why i haven't been in a relationship lately. I am so f*ckin scared. I have always been afraid of rejection. I hate that feeling and in order to date you have to be willing to put yourself on the line for rejection. I am not sure if i am ready for that. Don't get me wrong i would love to go out on a date because i am so lonely but it scares me to think what happens if this person doesn't like me like that or what happens if i have a great time and they don't. i know that you can't live your life being afraid. I have lots of friends don't get me wrong i am not lonely like that. I spend a lot of time with my friends. But most my friends have others and i don't, that makes me a third wheel in everything except when it comes to my best friend...her husband is the third wheel...lol. I like that everyone likes me but noone likes me like that. I had a single male friend once, but he started dating someone. I just feel so lonely and it is not for a friend it is for the companionship of someone of the opposite sex. I long to be kissed again, hold hands again, talk to someone on the phone about nothing. I miss someone to hold me to touch me to feel me. But it seems that their is noone out there for me. I understand that it is when you least expect it, it will happen but i just wished it was sooner. I just wished i was not so scared to put myself out there. I have put myself out there and told someone things i would not tell anyone else, but that added up to not. I will i know how to move on with life and start a new life. how can you start again with you heart a million pieces. How can you pick up those pieces and move on with life. I wish i knew...sorry...lol

Cheating

What would you do if you got cheated on?
How would you act?
How could you forgive them?
Do you give them a second chance?
What would you do?
I know that saying 'once a cheater always a cheater' but does anyone believe that?

So I know someone that has cheated on her boyfriend. So at first I thought I should tell him because it is going to come out one way or another, better sooner than later. But someone else was going to tell and he thought about it and decided no he wasn't going to tell. There are two ways to tell people things, first out of pure consern and second out of pure in your face. I think that i could tell him in the first way but i think since this sitation doesn't concern me that i will just let sleeping dogs lay. Sorry!

Questions

Have you ever felt that no-one understands you?
No-one really cares about you?
That you are alone in this over populated world?
What am I doing wrong?
I can't change me! I am who I am...

5/25

So I had to work today...totally sucked. But I went to the movies with Adam and Rach. I love my brother. I don't think he understands how much i love him. He is one of my best friends(i only have two...gilla and adam). I think it is amazing he can be so sweet and loving and then be a totally butt...but that is just him.
We went and saw Pirates III. It was GREAT! there is totally going to be a fourth.lol...

Excited

I got my new mp3 player today. So i have been messing around with it. I should really be in bed, but i have been putting new music and pictures and trying to figure out how to put videos on it... I am so excited...just though it was blog worthy

stolen car

So bub and I were at work and we ran inside for crab dip and crackers and when we came back around the side of the building, someone had stolen his car. He left the windows down and the keys in the front sit. At first it seemed like a joke but no really someone stole his car. He called poppie and then the cops. The cops took all the information down and then told us that they would call if they found it. We left and drove around to gas stations (because his car was on E) but didn't see it. So we came home. After a few minutes of being here he got the call from the cops. Apparently whom ever stole it had already switched the plates out, and was driving to dump the stuff out of the back. The cops pulled him over and he ALMOST hit a pole(thank God he didn't). They got him out at gun point and had to drag him out of the car. I hope everything is alright with the car but that is an end to a very uneventful day.

Wondering

So as i sit here and ponder the strange things that i tend to ponder one thing sticks out more than others. It is the subject of soulmates.

How long must you know someone in order to say they are your soulmate?
Is this something that as soon as you meet you know?
Is it something you discuss with the other half of your soul?
Does the other half have to feel the same way?
Or can this be a one sided ideal?
Do you just walk down the street and someone catches your eye and at the moment you know that this person is your soulmate?
Do you have to even know this person(example while you were sleeping: she was in love with this man she had never meet but she sees him daily getting on the train)?
Who makes the rules to who is or who is not a soulmate or even soulmate material?
Can you have several people in the running for soulmate like an election?
So can you just narrow down the list of possible soulmates like the primaries?
Do you have to be in love with the person in order to label them a soulmate?
Does everyone really have a soulmate?
Are there people in the world that just wonder around in a daze state looking for their soulmate?
Will your soulmate someday just show up at your door and scream I AM YOUR SOULMATE!!!?
Do other people know who your soulmate is or are you the only one that really knows?
What does a soulmate do?
Do they hold some sort of a spell to cast over the other half or do they hold any power at all?
Does each person have to fill out an application in order to be a soulmate?

This whole soulmate topic has drained me so I went to wikipedia to find some more information on the subject. But it was not very helpfull.

According to wikipedia :Soulmate (or soul mate) is a term sometimes used to designate someone with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, friendship, love, intimacy, sexuality, and/or compatibility.
A related concept is that of the twin flame or twin soul – thought to be the ultimate soulmate, the one and only other half of one's soul, for which all souls are driven to find and join.

I like this definition better.
Classic Meaning of Soulmates
The concepts of soulmates arose from Greek mythology. According to the story, our ancestors once had 2 heads, 4 arms. They did something to offend a god so that god punished them by splitting them down the middle, resulting in the creation of humans. As a punishment, we are condemned to spend our lives searching for the other half, our soulmates.
Spiritual Soulmate Concepts
Many religions and spiritual paths believe in reincarnation and the concept of karma. Through reincarnation, soulmates may spend many lifetimes together in past lives. Other spiritual methods of searching for one's soulmate are astrology, numerology, palm reading, personality types, and magic. Modern spritual paths often blend western and eastern philosophies.
Companion Soulmates
These are people that we encounter through their life. These are usually friends, teachers, mentors, or other people who have helped you achieving a life's goal or helped you out of a crisis.
Twin Soulmates
These types of soulmate are your closest friends or a person whom you really click with. According to those who believe in reincarnation, you have already met them in a past life, and in this life you are continuing the relationship. There is an emotional bond between these soulmates and each is able to sense the feelings of each other..
Twin Flame Soulmates
This is the most popular type of soulmate. There is usually one twin flame soulmate for each of us. Twin flame soulmates have spent multiple lifetimes together in past lives. There is incredible chemistry and attraction towards each other. They "complete" each other and only few lucky people are able to find their twin flame soulmate. Twin flame soulmates, if separated, usually suffer enormous pain.


Sorry for the vent.

5/21

So I put all my graduation money in the bank and put it on my student loans. $750.00 to help pay off my student loans. I kept $100.00 to go and buy some gold earrings that will be my graduation present from grandma and grandpa day. I think that will be nice so I can have something I can say that grandpa bought me since he is not here with me anymore.

5/20

So adam told dustin what he thought about all this and he just sat there and listened. But what kills me is "i would rather be with a girl" refering to having friends. I guess that is what he wants. Some people are only people when they are in a relationship, maybe he is one of those people. That is too bad. Adam and Jd are great people to be friends with, they are the best and it is too bad when someone finally is excepted as one of the group do this and it turns out so bad. I just feel sorry for dustin, but in the end it is his loss. My loyality is to my brother. My brother is great and it hurts me to see someone just shit on him like that. But okay enough is enough. Good night...

Last night...

So I found out why i got ditched last night. Appearantly dustin had a hot date with my brothers ex girlfriend. yeah. So they are a couple now. I hope he see the fact that she is using him to stay close to adam. that gives her a reason to be at kroger all the time. i hope i am wrong. dustin needs someone that is going to nurse his wounds and since she is bearing her own set of wounds that will be hard to do. another friendship down the shit tube. this one didn't last long. oh well, i guess there is a reason for everything we do. i will not talk to dustin now. sorry. he shouldn't be doing that. that is totally wrong in the friendship level for him to do this to adam.

5/18

I was so excited about today because i was going to see 28 weeks later, but i didn't get to go. I was supposed to go with dustin but i think he was very busy today and i understand but i was so excited about this movie. I finally watched the first one and now i am so ready for the next one.
Tomorrow is my open house and i am very nervous. i will have to tell person after person that i don't have a job yet that i have to take the praxis ii so i can be certified to teach. I felt so proud the day I graduated because i am the first Day to graduate college and i was the second to graduate high school. It makes me proud to know that i have made my poppie proud and happy. Everyone is in search of someone to be proud of them and that person for me is my poppie. I just wish grandpa would have been here. I miss him so much. He would have been so happy at my open house. So today has been full of mixed emotions.

These Faithful Three

Passion, love and hope
not knowing how to cope
these faithful three
left my soul with only a key
holding a promise to make it whole
they left my lonely soul

not having the knowledge to use it
not knowing what it fit
thinking it was useless
thinking it had missed
the opportunity to make it turn
waiting patiently, it yearns
to be made whole, saddened
by time left it only with dread
wishing it was dead
my soul also fleed

Cemetery

I went to the cemetery to place roses on papaw's grave. When I pulled up I saw that they had put his military plate up. I broke down. Since I graduated Sunday and my papaw wasn't there, it didn't hit me until I visited him. He would have been so proud of me. He was always telling people that I was going to school to be a teacher but he had that look in his eyes. That I am so-o proud of her, she had a dream and did it. It would have been nice for him to have saw me walk across the stage. But I guess he had to watch from heaven.