Sorry

I think that is a word that i use too much. I am sorry. I'm sorry. I bet i say that at least a million times a day. But when you think about it what does it really mean to be sorry. I tell people all the time that i am sorry that this rang up wrong (like i have controll of it) but it is something that i have to say. So when you are truely sorry most people don't believe you. I am totally going to go off subject here. I am thinking about someones relationship that didn't work out and i am truely sorry that it fell to pieces but i told this person all about her and how she was have a hard to with a recent breakup but he didn't listen. And that makes me feel so sorry for him. And as i am thinking about why his relationship didn't work out I start to think about why i haven't been in a relationship lately. I am so f*ckin scared. I have always been afraid of rejection. I hate that feeling and in order to date you have to be willing to put yourself on the line for rejection. I am not sure if i am ready for that. Don't get me wrong i would love to go out on a date because i am so lonely but it scares me to think what happens if this person doesn't like me like that or what happens if i have a great time and they don't. i know that you can't live your life being afraid. I have lots of friends don't get me wrong i am not lonely like that. I spend a lot of time with my friends. But most my friends have others and i don't, that makes me a third wheel in everything except when it comes to my best friend...her husband is the third wheel...lol. I like that everyone likes me but noone likes me like that. I had a single male friend once, but he started dating someone. I just feel so lonely and it is not for a friend it is for the companionship of someone of the opposite sex. I long to be kissed again, hold hands again, talk to someone on the phone about nothing. I miss someone to hold me to touch me to feel me. But it seems that their is noone out there for me. I understand that it is when you least expect it, it will happen but i just wished it was sooner. I just wished i was not so scared to put myself out there. I have put myself out there and told someone things i would not tell anyone else, but that added up to not. I will i know how to move on with life and start a new life. how can you start again with you heart a million pieces. How can you pick up those pieces and move on with life. I wish i knew...sorry...lol