Dream

So I had a dream last night about my ex. now normally when i have a dream about him i see him within a few days. that makes me uneasy. I am not sure why i have that feeling about it but everytime i see him i get this wierd feeling. I am not sure if it is because deep down inside i still love him or if it is because i broke his heart. I didn't mean to and i know it was self-centered but i did i broke up with him and i am not sure why i think about it all the time. i broke up with him 3 years ago and i am not over it and i don't know why. i have not even been on a date since him. i am afraid of getting that close to someone again. he knew all my secrets and when i broke up with him i was so scared that he was going to tell everyone about my secret but he didn't. But i guess he has moved on and i have not but i don't know how to move on...i mean i broke up with him and i seem to be the only one that got hurt... it has been 3 years but i don't think that right now in my life i could give myself like that. i don't have it in my possessions to be able to give it to anyone...so how do i get it back...it all boils down to one word....rejection