Change

Why do things happen the way the do?
Why is it that so many people want change?
Do people really want change or is it the idea of change that they like?
Why does things happen that question your faith?
Is changing a good thing?
Is changing a bad thing?
Does it depend on what you change?
Does it depend on how you change?
Why do things happen that forces us into change?
Is that for the best of us?
Is it a way of getting back on track?
Did you know that you were off track to begin with?
Why does the word change have such a negitive idea behind it?
When you hear the word change do you cringe?
Does everyone like the idea of change?
Is habit better than change?
What makes a habit?
Is it doing something for a while and feeling comfortable?
Is anyone really ready of change?
Do you resist it to begin with?
Or do you just give in to it?
Did you know that change and cancer have the same number of letters?
Does cancer mean change?

Mom went to the doctor and they found three masses. One on the outside of her throat, one inside her lungs, and one outside of her lungs. I am so scared. She has to go in for a test on March 4th to find out if it is cancer. The waiting is what is killing everyone. I want to cry but i can't because i have to be the strong one. I don't have to be the strong one but I am the oldest and i feel i have to wear this mask. Everytime i look at mom i just want to hug her and kiss her and tell her how much i love her, because what if it is cancer. I don't know what i will do. I'm not ready for this...I can't handle this...What do i do? I know mom and dad have to be scared but...everything happens for a reason. So mom and dad were in an accident in october, if they wouldn't have wrecked their bike then we wouldn't have know about the masses...wow, that was a lightbulb turning on. What if mom dies from cancer and what if i don't get to say that final goodbye. I'm scared, I have known people with cancer but not this close...it is too close for me. I wished the test was tommorrow so we would know something. I hate waiting. I'm just like my mom, we hold everything in until we explode. It isn't healthy to say the least but that is how we handle things. So I guess that someday i will just explode and kill everyone...lol... I see so much of my mom in me, kinda scarey but i like it that way. Why do bad things happen to good people? My mom is a great person, sweet, caring, loving, she would do anything for you. I'm just scared. I am hoping and praying that she doesn't have cancer, I don't think any of us can handle that. Too much...Too fast...
P.s. i need change but i'm not sure if i am ready. I like to take baby steps while changing it works better for me.
With love
sammie