1.2.2016

So this is the begining of a new year ... so here we go again. I love my job, the people I work with are great, which is awesome. I am still stuck in the same spot as I was last year. My new year was brought in with my puppy again. Which was nice because at least I have someone. I am not depressed. I am interested in someone but it seems to be complex. I want to be caught, I want to be swept off my feet and it just doesn't seem to be happening. So I am not sure what I should do. I will not make the first step, he is the guy, that is his job. I know he is probably shy and since he has an ex-wife so i understand being a little gun shy. He likes me i think, then i think maybe he likes sara and not me. I just don't know... I have a lot of hope for this year... New house New bf??? Start my new life since my life seems to be in limbo...

How does one be supportive and want something at the same time...
so like everything in life, it starts with ...
so i am in love with a guy.
i want him to be with me,
i want him to move here
i want him near me
but at the same time
how do i say that
he is talking about school
i can't have him move here without a place to stay
he can't stay with me,
since i am with my parents
and going to be here for at least 9 months
i can't move out until my brother has a job
and can pay the bills...
so as much as i want him to be here
i can prob get him a job at the store in gfield
but he still has school can he survive
he said somthing about a friend
wanting to move to here and
i don't know if that is still true
i want him
i love him
i just want what is best for him
and i am hoping that is me...
hoping

12.31.14

As i sit here and think about this year. I have moved to a new city and got a new job, which is great. But as far as love...i have come to the realization that i love someone i can't have. i have always loved his and he loved me. So as i sit here alone on new years eve in an empty house thinking about love and life. I just have to except that i am alone and have to be happy with it, even though i am used to being alone it is going to be harder when i move into an empty house. it will be just like this... I went back to my brother's and sister in laws for christmas i have never felt more out of place in my life...i am not home anywhere. not here not there, no where i fit in, i don't even fit in at work but i am trying really hard at that... so here is to a new year... can only go up from here, right? i can always have hope

7.23.11

How does one be supportive and want something at the same time...
so like everything in life, it starts with ...
so i am in love with a guy.
i want him to be with me,
i want him to move here
i want him near me
but at the same time
how do i say that
he is talking about school
i can't have him move here without a place to stay
he can't stay with me,
since i am with my parents
and going to be here for at least 9 months
i can't move out until my brother has a job
and can pay the bills...
so as much as i want him to be here
i can prob get him a job at the store in gfield
but he still has school can he survive
he said somthing about a friend
wanting to move to here and
i don't know if that is still true
i want him
i love him
i just want what is best for him
and i am hoping that is me...
hoping

9/16

is there a thin line that sepertes the hope fromt the hopeless
deep in my heart i know thare is someone for me but
i am starting to only believe it deep down
well, i am waiting..what is he doing?
is he waiting for me or he living life
i watch life unfold for everyone around me
what am i to do
i hate rejection and i don't want to put myself out there
i am afraid i hate tht i feel like that
it makes me mad to feel afraid of anything at all
i am going to ca, i am excited can't wait maybe
this will be good for me
maybe i will learn something about myself
...find a way to let it go
i just want to find my happiness
find my heart, find my hope



...and i felt hope

(6/6) jon. So finally carl tells jon that he is still in love with him to which jon didn't make a reply. So jon hasn't heard from carl in a couple of weeks.

(5/6) he wants jons number so i forward the text and jon says to give it to him. They talk for a week but carl doesn't want his wife to know he is talking to

(4/6) child on the way and jon moved to another city its a close city and jon and i are very close friends btw jon is still gay. So i get a text from carl and

(3/6) that knew they were together. They broke up carl moved to go to college and jon finished high school. Now 3 years later carl is married to a girl with a

(2/6) call him jon. It was a secret bc carl didn't want anyone to know he was gay on the other hand with jon everyone knew he was gay but i was the only one

(1/6) So one of my old friends called one of my friends...ok lets back up. Kroger 3 years ago my friend lets call him carl. Carl started to date someone lets

(2/2) enjoyable 2 week vacation. Now i have to go back to work. Same ol' same ol' too much fun. Well, just wanted to drop a note.

(1/2) So i have enjoyed my last 13 day off from work. I bought my motorcycle last week and went to michigan this week and i'm home for the 4th. It was an

(2/2) she stuck all her stolen items) because of a bottle of vodka she pulled it out of her purse and gave it to the uscan attendent. Smart real smart.

(1/2) So working retail is full of surprises. Yesterday a young lady was arrested for shoplifting. And the funny thing is that she could zip her purse (where

(2/2) we won't be busy. That is so silly.

(1/2) So working in retail sucks when it is a holiday week. People are crazy doing those weeks. They think that since it is the friday before memorial day that

so church guy

Leave it to me to over think things. This is the story. Totally crushing on a guy at church. I finally got up enough courage up to introduce myself. Then the following week I talk to him about maybe going to get a coffee so he asks for my number so i give it to him and now...close to 2 weeks later still no call. I picked up some vibes that told me he was interested but now i'm not so sure...so that is the epic of church guy...

My happily ever after...what happen to that...

So I started reading a series of novels that all so far end happily. Okay don't get me wrong that is the way i want them to end but my problem is where is my happily ever after. After all the years watching disney and romantic movies and reading tons of books, they all have their happily ever after so where is mine. I have grown up with the ideal of what love looks like, suppose to feel like and where is my true love. After i pour my heart into a relationship that i knew was going nowhere just in search for this ideal of true love. I know that it exist because my parents have it...they love each other today more than the day they were married. But does it happen to everyone. I just want to know where my love story is...i know that i have walls up because i have been hurt but my thing is with the wall up then you don't get to know me and then it doesn't hurt when it is over. I know that i am a picky person but people have to have standards, high but not unreachable. Its not like i have a list written down and they have to meet all the requirements, its not written down and they are not requirements just what i like.
I'm just lonely. I haven't been on a date in over 4 years...I just want my happily ever after.
Where is my happily ever after...I'm waiting....

get out more...?

the one side of my brother recent texts to me...

we are both willing to help you in any way possible. I am glad o see you going out more but you need to start hanging out with some straight guy. You are the
okay. so I have decided that you must have children as soon as possible. Alot of my happiness relies on you getting kn ocked up. This has been agreed upon by me
and R. This is because you are the only shot that eitherof us have to becoming aunt and uncle. So there is alot of pressure on you. I understand this so
only hope that i have to becoming uncle A. Thats it. No other chance for me. So, you need to get working on that. Thank you
That is exactly what i am saying. More straight guys. And get knocked up. Thats not too much to ask for
i think it is a lack of effort. Put yourself out there, I am not asking for you to get married. Just knocked up :-) You need to have your gay friends hook you up with some nice fertile straight guys it wouldn't hurt to ask. You need a nice boyfriend to get you out of this slump. A nice straight fertile christian guy
Yea. Well. In a perfect world that is true. But we don't live in a perfect world. Regardless stop arguing over details. You need to get out there and take
risks. Put yourself out there and make something happen. Will you get hurt? Probably. But it goes with the territory. Every venture is a life lesson. You must
start somewhere. And the sooner you start the better. Just do it.
We were discussing things that we want from our lives. And one thing that i want more than anything else is to see you happy AND to be called uncle A.
And since R has no siblings herself out only hope for that is you. So we have decided to encourage you four our happiness :-)
Yes. So if ther is anything that we can do please let us know. And I know this might sound a little 'joke-like' but it actually isnt. So get out there and find you happiness. Find a mate. Find someone that will make you happy forever and then get pregnant so that i can become an uncle and be happy
R and my happiness is ver dependent on you being happy. So we have decided to help you in anyway possible.