Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Bad day
I had a bad day at work. We were very busy. That is all i want to say i had a bad day...just thought you should know...
Monday, February 25, 2008
Getting my nails done
so i went and got my nails done and the lady that does my nails was telling me about one of her clients has lung cancer. She smoked like 25 years ago and now they have found lung cancer it is terminal. So she keep on going on and on about the dangers of smoking. I know the dangers of smoking kinda. But i am sure that she knows that i smoke it isn't like i hide it but it was just strange to hear her talk about this. I know that she was just trying to help but i found it uncomfortable.
Change
Why do things happen the way the do?
Why is it that so many people want change?
Do people really want change or is it the idea of change that they like?
Why does things happen that question your faith?
Is changing a good thing?
Is changing a bad thing?
Does it depend on what you change?
Does it depend on how you change?
Why do things happen that forces us into change?
Is that for the best of us?
Is it a way of getting back on track?
Did you know that you were off track to begin with?
Why does the word change have such a negitive idea behind it?
When you hear the word change do you cringe?
Does everyone like the idea of change?
Is habit better than change?
What makes a habit?
Is it doing something for a while and feeling comfortable?
Is anyone really ready of change?
Do you resist it to begin with?
Or do you just give in to it?
Did you know that change and cancer have the same number of letters?
Does cancer mean change?
Mom went to the doctor and they found three masses. One on the outside of her throat, one inside her lungs, and one outside of her lungs. I am so scared. She has to go in for a test on March 4th to find out if it is cancer. The waiting is what is killing everyone. I want to cry but i can't because i have to be the strong one. I don't have to be the strong one but I am the oldest and i feel i have to wear this mask. Everytime i look at mom i just want to hug her and kiss her and tell her how much i love her, because what if it is cancer. I don't know what i will do. I'm not ready for this...I can't handle this...What do i do? I know mom and dad have to be scared but...everything happens for a reason. So mom and dad were in an accident in october, if they wouldn't have wrecked their bike then we wouldn't have know about the masses...wow, that was a lightbulb turning on. What if mom dies from cancer and what if i don't get to say that final goodbye. I'm scared, I have known people with cancer but not this close...it is too close for me. I wished the test was tommorrow so we would know something. I hate waiting. I'm just like my mom, we hold everything in until we explode. It isn't healthy to say the least but that is how we handle things. So I guess that someday i will just explode and kill everyone...lol... I see so much of my mom in me, kinda scarey but i like it that way. Why do bad things happen to good people? My mom is a great person, sweet, caring, loving, she would do anything for you. I'm just scared. I am hoping and praying that she doesn't have cancer, I don't think any of us can handle that. Too much...Too fast...
P.s. i need change but i'm not sure if i am ready. I like to take baby steps while changing it works better for me.
With love
sammie
Why is it that so many people want change?
Do people really want change or is it the idea of change that they like?
Why does things happen that question your faith?
Is changing a good thing?
Is changing a bad thing?
Does it depend on what you change?
Does it depend on how you change?
Why do things happen that forces us into change?
Is that for the best of us?
Is it a way of getting back on track?
Did you know that you were off track to begin with?
Why does the word change have such a negitive idea behind it?
When you hear the word change do you cringe?
Does everyone like the idea of change?
Is habit better than change?
What makes a habit?
Is it doing something for a while and feeling comfortable?
Is anyone really ready of change?
Do you resist it to begin with?
Or do you just give in to it?
Did you know that change and cancer have the same number of letters?
Does cancer mean change?
Mom went to the doctor and they found three masses. One on the outside of her throat, one inside her lungs, and one outside of her lungs. I am so scared. She has to go in for a test on March 4th to find out if it is cancer. The waiting is what is killing everyone. I want to cry but i can't because i have to be the strong one. I don't have to be the strong one but I am the oldest and i feel i have to wear this mask. Everytime i look at mom i just want to hug her and kiss her and tell her how much i love her, because what if it is cancer. I don't know what i will do. I'm not ready for this...I can't handle this...What do i do? I know mom and dad have to be scared but...everything happens for a reason. So mom and dad were in an accident in october, if they wouldn't have wrecked their bike then we wouldn't have know about the masses...wow, that was a lightbulb turning on. What if mom dies from cancer and what if i don't get to say that final goodbye. I'm scared, I have known people with cancer but not this close...it is too close for me. I wished the test was tommorrow so we would know something. I hate waiting. I'm just like my mom, we hold everything in until we explode. It isn't healthy to say the least but that is how we handle things. So I guess that someday i will just explode and kill everyone...lol... I see so much of my mom in me, kinda scarey but i like it that way. Why do bad things happen to good people? My mom is a great person, sweet, caring, loving, she would do anything for you. I'm just scared. I am hoping and praying that she doesn't have cancer, I don't think any of us can handle that. Too much...Too fast...
P.s. i need change but i'm not sure if i am ready. I like to take baby steps while changing it works better for me.
With love
sammie
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Friday, January 25, 2008
went to the doctor today
So I went to the doctor today and i have to go in and they want to give me a epideral with steriods. They also said that my L4 and L5 is starting to degrinerating. That makes me start to worry since mom has the same problem but with one more disc which makes mom 3 dics to are dissolving. There are nothing that the doctors can do for mom now and there is only one thing left which is pain mangement. And I see my future and that scares the shit out of me. Because today it is two dics but tomorrow it could be 3, 4 or 5. It scares the shit out of me when i start to think about it. At the age of 27 i have 2 dics in my spine that are starting to collaspe onto each other. I'm I scared for no reason or I'm i scared for a huge reason.
On a totally different note. Dad had surgery today they took out cable out of his knee and bolt out of this knee. Monday mom has her lungs cleaned out because she has a horrible infection in her lungs that the doctors can't get to go away.
I feel so overwhelmed, more overwhelmed today then after mom and dads accident. And i don't know why. I just want to cry but i don't want to cry. I cam so confused right now and i just can't wrap my finger around it.
On a totally different note. Dad had surgery today they took out cable out of his knee and bolt out of this knee. Monday mom has her lungs cleaned out because she has a horrible infection in her lungs that the doctors can't get to go away.
I feel so overwhelmed, more overwhelmed today then after mom and dads accident. And i don't know why. I just want to cry but i don't want to cry. I cam so confused right now and i just can't wrap my finger around it.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Overwhelmed
I just feel so overwhelmed. dad is going in for surgery to remove the cable and screw and they are going to bend his knee while he is under. Mom goes in monday to have her lungs flushed out since she has an e-coli infection in her lungs. I just found out that i have 3 disks in my back that are hurneated. I just feel so overwhelmed right now and i just don't know why
Saturday, December 8, 2007
Life and children
So I have been doing a lot of thinking about life and marriage and children and so i started to look up the chance of me getting pragnant. Since i have pcos which is polycystic ovary syndrome. According to Wikipedia...
Polycystic Ovaries develop when the ovaries are stimulated to produce excessive amounts of male hormones (androgens), particularly testosterone, either through the release of excessive luteinizing hormone (LH) by the anterior pituitary gland or through high levels of insulin in the blood (hyperinsulinaemia) in women whose ovaries are sensitive to this stimulus.
This syndrome acquired its most widely used name because a common sign is multiple (poly) ovarian cysts. These form where egg follicles matured but were never released from the ovary because of abnormal hormone levels. These generally take on a 'string of pearls' appearance. The condition was first described in 1935 by Dr. Stein and Dr. Leventhal, hence its original name of Stein-Leventhal syndrome.
PCOS is characterized by a complex set of symptoms, and the cause cannot be determined for all patients. However, research to date suggests that insulin resistance could be a leading cause. PCOS may also have a genetic predisposition, and further research into this possibility is taking place. No specific gene has been identified, and it is thought that many genes could contribute to the development of PCOS.
A majority of patients with PCOS have insulin resistance. Their elevated insulin levels contribute to or cause the abnormalities seen in the hypothalamic-pituitary-ovarian axis that lead to PCOS.
So as you read about the chance of getting pregant they are slim since you don't have a real cycle. According to Wikipedia In this trial, 626 women were randomized to three groups: metformin alone, clomiphene alone, or both. The live birth rates after 6 months were 7.2% (metformin), 22.5% (clomiphene), and 26.8% (both). The major complication of clomiphene was multiple pregancy, affecting 0%, 6% and 3.1% of women respectively. The overall success rates for live birth remained disappointing, even in women receiving combined therapy, but it is important to consider that the women in this trial had already been attempting to conceive for an average of 3.5 years, and over half had received previous treatment for infertility. Thus, these were women with significant fertility problems, and the live birth rates are probably not representative of the 'average' PCOS woman.
So the odds of having a baby is about 26% and that isn't having a baby that is carrying a baby for 6 months. And the rate of live births is disappointing. So the question is since i love kids so much is it going to impossible to have one of my own or is my classroom going to have to be my only children. I guess time will tell. I guess it is whatever God wills.
Polycystic Ovaries develop when the ovaries are stimulated to produce excessive amounts of male hormones (androgens), particularly testosterone, either through the release of excessive luteinizing hormone (LH) by the anterior pituitary gland or through high levels of insulin in the blood (hyperinsulinaemia) in women whose ovaries are sensitive to this stimulus.
This syndrome acquired its most widely used name because a common sign is multiple (poly) ovarian cysts. These form where egg follicles matured but were never released from the ovary because of abnormal hormone levels. These generally take on a 'string of pearls' appearance. The condition was first described in 1935 by Dr. Stein and Dr. Leventhal, hence its original name of Stein-Leventhal syndrome.
PCOS is characterized by a complex set of symptoms, and the cause cannot be determined for all patients. However, research to date suggests that insulin resistance could be a leading cause. PCOS may also have a genetic predisposition, and further research into this possibility is taking place. No specific gene has been identified, and it is thought that many genes could contribute to the development of PCOS.
A majority of patients with PCOS have insulin resistance. Their elevated insulin levels contribute to or cause the abnormalities seen in the hypothalamic-pituitary-ovarian axis that lead to PCOS.
So as you read about the chance of getting pregant they are slim since you don't have a real cycle. According to Wikipedia In this trial, 626 women were randomized to three groups: metformin alone, clomiphene alone, or both. The live birth rates after 6 months were 7.2% (metformin), 22.5% (clomiphene), and 26.8% (both). The major complication of clomiphene was multiple pregancy, affecting 0%, 6% and 3.1% of women respectively. The overall success rates for live birth remained disappointing, even in women receiving combined therapy, but it is important to consider that the women in this trial had already been attempting to conceive for an average of 3.5 years, and over half had received previous treatment for infertility. Thus, these were women with significant fertility problems, and the live birth rates are probably not representative of the 'average' PCOS woman.
So the odds of having a baby is about 26% and that isn't having a baby that is carrying a baby for 6 months. And the rate of live births is disappointing. So the question is since i love kids so much is it going to impossible to have one of my own or is my classroom going to have to be my only children. I guess time will tell. I guess it is whatever God wills.
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