12.31.14

As i sit here and think about this year. I have moved to a new city and got a new job, which is great. But as far as love...i have come to the realization that i love someone i can't have. i have always loved his and he loved me. So as i sit here alone on new years eve in an empty house thinking about love and life. I just have to except that i am alone and have to be happy with it, even though i am used to being alone it is going to be harder when i move into an empty house. it will be just like this... I went back to my brother's and sister in laws for christmas i have never felt more out of place in my life...i am not home anywhere. not here not there, no where i fit in, i don't even fit in at work but i am trying really hard at that... so here is to a new year... can only go up from here, right? i can always have hope

7.23.11

How does one be supportive and want something at the same time...
so like everything in life, it starts with ...
so i am in love with a guy.
i want him to be with me,
i want him to move here
i want him near me
but at the same time
how do i say that
he is talking about school
i can't have him move here without a place to stay
he can't stay with me,
since i am with my parents
and going to be here for at least 9 months
i can't move out until my brother has a job
and can pay the bills...
so as much as i want him to be here
i can prob get him a job at the store in gfield
but he still has school can he survive
he said somthing about a friend
wanting to move to here and
i don't know if that is still true
i want him
i love him
i just want what is best for him
and i am hoping that is me...
hoping

9/16

is there a thin line that sepertes the hope fromt the hopeless
deep in my heart i know thare is someone for me but
i am starting to only believe it deep down
well, i am waiting..what is he doing?
is he waiting for me or he living life
i watch life unfold for everyone around me
what am i to do
i hate rejection and i don't want to put myself out there
i am afraid i hate tht i feel like that
it makes me mad to feel afraid of anything at all
i am going to ca, i am excited can't wait maybe
this will be good for me
maybe i will learn something about myself
...find a way to let it go
i just want to find my happiness
find my heart, find my hope



...and i felt hope

(6/6) jon. So finally carl tells jon that he is still in love with him to which jon didn't make a reply. So jon hasn't heard from carl in a couple of weeks.

(5/6) he wants jons number so i forward the text and jon says to give it to him. They talk for a week but carl doesn't want his wife to know he is talking to

(4/6) child on the way and jon moved to another city its a close city and jon and i are very close friends btw jon is still gay. So i get a text from carl and

(3/6) that knew they were together. They broke up carl moved to go to college and jon finished high school. Now 3 years later carl is married to a girl with a