Monday, March 3, 2008
New Glasses
I went and got me some new glasses which totally kick ass. They are purple! My favorite color. Just thought you should now.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Bad day
I had a bad day at work. We were very busy. That is all i want to say i had a bad day...just thought you should know...
Monday, February 25, 2008
Getting my nails done
so i went and got my nails done and the lady that does my nails was telling me about one of her clients has lung cancer. She smoked like 25 years ago and now they have found lung cancer it is terminal. So she keep on going on and on about the dangers of smoking. I know the dangers of smoking kinda. But i am sure that she knows that i smoke it isn't like i hide it but it was just strange to hear her talk about this. I know that she was just trying to help but i found it uncomfortable.
Change
Why do things happen the way the do?
Why is it that so many people want change?
Do people really want change or is it the idea of change that they like?
Why does things happen that question your faith?
Is changing a good thing?
Is changing a bad thing?
Does it depend on what you change?
Does it depend on how you change?
Why do things happen that forces us into change?
Is that for the best of us?
Is it a way of getting back on track?
Did you know that you were off track to begin with?
Why does the word change have such a negitive idea behind it?
When you hear the word change do you cringe?
Does everyone like the idea of change?
Is habit better than change?
What makes a habit?
Is it doing something for a while and feeling comfortable?
Is anyone really ready of change?
Do you resist it to begin with?
Or do you just give in to it?
Did you know that change and cancer have the same number of letters?
Does cancer mean change?
Mom went to the doctor and they found three masses. One on the outside of her throat, one inside her lungs, and one outside of her lungs. I am so scared. She has to go in for a test on March 4th to find out if it is cancer. The waiting is what is killing everyone. I want to cry but i can't because i have to be the strong one. I don't have to be the strong one but I am the oldest and i feel i have to wear this mask. Everytime i look at mom i just want to hug her and kiss her and tell her how much i love her, because what if it is cancer. I don't know what i will do. I'm not ready for this...I can't handle this...What do i do? I know mom and dad have to be scared but...everything happens for a reason. So mom and dad were in an accident in october, if they wouldn't have wrecked their bike then we wouldn't have know about the masses...wow, that was a lightbulb turning on. What if mom dies from cancer and what if i don't get to say that final goodbye. I'm scared, I have known people with cancer but not this close...it is too close for me. I wished the test was tommorrow so we would know something. I hate waiting. I'm just like my mom, we hold everything in until we explode. It isn't healthy to say the least but that is how we handle things. So I guess that someday i will just explode and kill everyone...lol... I see so much of my mom in me, kinda scarey but i like it that way. Why do bad things happen to good people? My mom is a great person, sweet, caring, loving, she would do anything for you. I'm just scared. I am hoping and praying that she doesn't have cancer, I don't think any of us can handle that. Too much...Too fast...
P.s. i need change but i'm not sure if i am ready. I like to take baby steps while changing it works better for me.
With love
sammie
Why is it that so many people want change?
Do people really want change or is it the idea of change that they like?
Why does things happen that question your faith?
Is changing a good thing?
Is changing a bad thing?
Does it depend on what you change?
Does it depend on how you change?
Why do things happen that forces us into change?
Is that for the best of us?
Is it a way of getting back on track?
Did you know that you were off track to begin with?
Why does the word change have such a negitive idea behind it?
When you hear the word change do you cringe?
Does everyone like the idea of change?
Is habit better than change?
What makes a habit?
Is it doing something for a while and feeling comfortable?
Is anyone really ready of change?
Do you resist it to begin with?
Or do you just give in to it?
Did you know that change and cancer have the same number of letters?
Does cancer mean change?
Mom went to the doctor and they found three masses. One on the outside of her throat, one inside her lungs, and one outside of her lungs. I am so scared. She has to go in for a test on March 4th to find out if it is cancer. The waiting is what is killing everyone. I want to cry but i can't because i have to be the strong one. I don't have to be the strong one but I am the oldest and i feel i have to wear this mask. Everytime i look at mom i just want to hug her and kiss her and tell her how much i love her, because what if it is cancer. I don't know what i will do. I'm not ready for this...I can't handle this...What do i do? I know mom and dad have to be scared but...everything happens for a reason. So mom and dad were in an accident in october, if they wouldn't have wrecked their bike then we wouldn't have know about the masses...wow, that was a lightbulb turning on. What if mom dies from cancer and what if i don't get to say that final goodbye. I'm scared, I have known people with cancer but not this close...it is too close for me. I wished the test was tommorrow so we would know something. I hate waiting. I'm just like my mom, we hold everything in until we explode. It isn't healthy to say the least but that is how we handle things. So I guess that someday i will just explode and kill everyone...lol... I see so much of my mom in me, kinda scarey but i like it that way. Why do bad things happen to good people? My mom is a great person, sweet, caring, loving, she would do anything for you. I'm just scared. I am hoping and praying that she doesn't have cancer, I don't think any of us can handle that. Too much...Too fast...
P.s. i need change but i'm not sure if i am ready. I like to take baby steps while changing it works better for me.
With love
sammie
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Friday, January 25, 2008
went to the doctor today
So I went to the doctor today and i have to go in and they want to give me a epideral with steriods. They also said that my L4 and L5 is starting to degrinerating. That makes me start to worry since mom has the same problem but with one more disc which makes mom 3 dics to are dissolving. There are nothing that the doctors can do for mom now and there is only one thing left which is pain mangement. And I see my future and that scares the shit out of me. Because today it is two dics but tomorrow it could be 3, 4 or 5. It scares the shit out of me when i start to think about it. At the age of 27 i have 2 dics in my spine that are starting to collaspe onto each other. I'm I scared for no reason or I'm i scared for a huge reason.
On a totally different note. Dad had surgery today they took out cable out of his knee and bolt out of this knee. Monday mom has her lungs cleaned out because she has a horrible infection in her lungs that the doctors can't get to go away.
I feel so overwhelmed, more overwhelmed today then after mom and dads accident. And i don't know why. I just want to cry but i don't want to cry. I cam so confused right now and i just can't wrap my finger around it.
On a totally different note. Dad had surgery today they took out cable out of his knee and bolt out of this knee. Monday mom has her lungs cleaned out because she has a horrible infection in her lungs that the doctors can't get to go away.
I feel so overwhelmed, more overwhelmed today then after mom and dads accident. And i don't know why. I just want to cry but i don't want to cry. I cam so confused right now and i just can't wrap my finger around it.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Overwhelmed
I just feel so overwhelmed. dad is going in for surgery to remove the cable and screw and they are going to bend his knee while he is under. Mom goes in monday to have her lungs flushed out since she has an e-coli infection in her lungs. I just found out that i have 3 disks in my back that are hurneated. I just feel so overwhelmed right now and i just don't know why
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