going out to dinner

okay so first i want to say that it wasn't as bad as i thought...but i was concerned with the idea between two single friends going out and a date. So my ex didn't shower very often so let just say that i decided that i wouldn't go back out with this person if they didn't look clean..and sure enough he showed up with the same clothes that he worked over night in and then he mowed grass all day so there was grass all over his clothes...so that solves that. So two friends that is all that will ever be... okay so on with the night. We(he) talked about work and his family which is ok but he did do most of the talking which is ok but here is the problem. I want to be with someone that i can talk to who will understand what i am saying. I need someone that i can have an intellegent conversation not that he isn't smart but it is just the kind of smarts i am looking for. i had a good time but i am glad that it is over. it was akward because we flirt and stuff and now i know this isn't going to go anyway now. I have to make sure that this is the end of it because i don't want to hurt anyone. I don't want to hurt ppl

9/22

okay, so dinner with my friend didn't happen this week but apparently it is going to happen on monday. monday at 7...i'll keep you posted...

9/16

So my dinner arrangement this week didn't work out but he had a good excuse. He didn't have money for it this week but at least i know that i'm not getting mcdonalds. He is taking me to the roadhouse which is nice so now i am very confused. Everyone says this is a date but i'm not thinking of it like that. because i am not sure how that is going to go down since he owes me dinner. I'm not sure what is going on...on his side. Does he think this is a date or just a dinner with a friend. Is he expecting something in return. to him is the begining of something or is this just two single friends going out... I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON!!!

life according to 9/14

So as of today my best friend in the whole wide world doesn't talk to me unless she wants something. My brother, i do love him, and i haven't had our normal sissy and bubby talks that is so relaxing. My closest friend right now is gay...nothing wrong with that but if he was straight he would be more than my friend. I don't know about that but that is what we say...lol... I have no romantic interest...one guy has asked me to dinner because he owes me...long story. i just don't know what is going on. I feel so lost in my own world, but there is nothing to be lost in...work...that is all i seem to do. Work, Work, Work. All work and no time to be ME!!! i don't know...will write soon all about the dinner of course!

My birthday

So today i am 28 and i don't think this birthday was like any of the rest. I'm a little depressed and i'm not sure why...but i hope this feeling goes away soon. I hate to be depressed. ?I just don't know what i am feeling?

getting closer to another bday

So my birthday is next week and i have a problem...i'm getting old. I know that 28 isn't old but i feel old...my best friend...my brother is 7 1/2 years yonger than me and that makes me feel alot older. All my friends are younger than me and i don't know why. Is it that i am trying to hang on to being younger...they are good friends but than again they are like 6,7,8 years younger than me...and there is nothing wrong with that i just...sometimes i can't relate to them...i am a very private person and my friends are great...that is all i have time to say for now...i have to get ready to go to work... :(

feeling closed in...

Have you ever had a friend or knew someone that is so self centered that they don't even know anything about you. Don't get me wrong i know that i don't like to tell ppl about my life because they get to close and i get hurt and i try very very hard not to get hurt but sometimes it is nice to be able to talk to someone about your life. But right now i don't feel like i have too many friends or ppl that i closely know that would care too much about me. Ppl don't know me...i am slowly letting a few ppl in but i am having a problem opening up but i don't think those ppl really care. <3 for now