I may be fat but at least I'm happy!!!

okay so it has taken me 28 years to be comfortable with my weight with that being said. Today at church my pastor talked about being healthy and getting into shape because our bodies are temples for the Lord. I know this and after years and years of dieting and trying to lose weight i can't so I gave it to God. I told God that I am who he made me. I found that God gave me peace and let me start to love myself for being me the very beautiful, curvey, intelligent women. So my favorite author right now is Jennifer Weiner and she wrote a great book entitled Good in bed. Her heroine is a plus size women and she has also finally made peace with that fact and has decided to get on with her life. I found several parts of this book were enpowering to me as a women and a plus size gal.

1.The Quote: 'Men don't like fat women. And even thought this world would turn out not to be absolutely true-there would be men who would love me, and there would be people that would respect me-I carried his words into my adulthood like a prophecy, viewing the world through the prism of my body, and my father's prediction.'

--->My father never said those words to me but it was a boy from school that made me realize that i was in fact 'fat'. I will carry those words with me forever. 'Your just a fat, ugly bitch', wow, what words came out of this childs mouth. I was in 3rd grade. I will remember that day forever and I hope none of my children will go through this.

2.The Quote: 'These were a thousand words that could have described me-smart, funny, kind, generous. But the word I picked - the word that I believed the world had picked for me - was fat.'

--->Hello, I am fat! I know that i am fat, so i don't like anyone laughing or making rude comment because i have eat too. Just because the world choose word and make it sound ugly, mean and nasty doesn't mean that you have to take it that way. You know i may be fat, but at least i am happy.

3.The Quote: 'The truth is this-I'm all right the way I am. I was all right, all along. I will never be thin, but I will be happy. I will love myself, and my body, for what it can do-because it is strong enough to lift, to walk, to ride a bicycle up a hill, to embrace the people I love and hold them fully, and to nurture a new life. i will love myself because I am sturdy. Because I did not-will not-break.'

--->This is my quote for my life right now. 'I will love myself', I may be fat but I refuse to believe that I am ugly and stupid. My body is strong and I will survive. I may not be a size 8 or be the tall, all legs blonde, but i am beautiful because I Broke the Mold.

4.The Quote: 'And, ultimately, I learned, there is comfort. Comfort in reaching out to the peole who love you, comfort in asking for help, and in realizing, finally, that I am valued, treasured, loved, even if I am never going to be smaller than a size sixteen, even if my story doesn't have the Hollywood-perfect happy ending where I lose sixty pounds and Prince Charming decides that he loves me after all.'

--->Have you ever had an ahha moment, i just had one. In college I was sitting at a table with a group of fellow teachers when I told one of them that I valued them, and I truely did/do. And she told me that she valued me and I never believed her until now. She truely meant what she said and wow I can actually see that now. Anyway on with my first thought, Hollywood has made everything so thin in society, it makes me sick. When I go to the movies, yes I want to be entertained but it helps if I can related and I can't relate to skinny girls getting called fat and crying. Show me a true women with meat and lets see it play out with the real thing. I am looking for my Prince Charming that is true, who isn't. but he is going to have to like me for me and not what I could be or could look like. He will like me for me and just because it is me.

This book has helped me through the process of excepting me for me, which is 28 years in the making. Girls should never feel ashamed because they are overweigh you are who you are because God made you that way.

tonight 10/10

okay so i went out tonight with a friend and had a great time. I really love spending time with this person, he is just so much fun. He is awesome. So we went out to eat and went to see a movie the movie wasn't that great but it was okay. They were saying it was the next notebook but that is very dissappointing don't worry i will not spoil the movie for anyone but if i had the choice to rent or watch at the movies i would choose to rent. I'm trying to find a house to move out into but i don't know...i need God's wisdom now more than ever i want to make the right choice here. I don't want to get over my head but we'll see. God help me...

going out to dinner

okay so first i want to say that it wasn't as bad as i thought...but i was concerned with the idea between two single friends going out and a date. So my ex didn't shower very often so let just say that i decided that i wouldn't go back out with this person if they didn't look clean..and sure enough he showed up with the same clothes that he worked over night in and then he mowed grass all day so there was grass all over his clothes...so that solves that. So two friends that is all that will ever be... okay so on with the night. We(he) talked about work and his family which is ok but he did do most of the talking which is ok but here is the problem. I want to be with someone that i can talk to who will understand what i am saying. I need someone that i can have an intellegent conversation not that he isn't smart but it is just the kind of smarts i am looking for. i had a good time but i am glad that it is over. it was akward because we flirt and stuff and now i know this isn't going to go anyway now. I have to make sure that this is the end of it because i don't want to hurt anyone. I don't want to hurt ppl

9/22

okay, so dinner with my friend didn't happen this week but apparently it is going to happen on monday. monday at 7...i'll keep you posted...

9/16

So my dinner arrangement this week didn't work out but he had a good excuse. He didn't have money for it this week but at least i know that i'm not getting mcdonalds. He is taking me to the roadhouse which is nice so now i am very confused. Everyone says this is a date but i'm not thinking of it like that. because i am not sure how that is going to go down since he owes me dinner. I'm not sure what is going on...on his side. Does he think this is a date or just a dinner with a friend. Is he expecting something in return. to him is the begining of something or is this just two single friends going out... I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON!!!

life according to 9/14

So as of today my best friend in the whole wide world doesn't talk to me unless she wants something. My brother, i do love him, and i haven't had our normal sissy and bubby talks that is so relaxing. My closest friend right now is gay...nothing wrong with that but if he was straight he would be more than my friend. I don't know about that but that is what we say...lol... I have no romantic interest...one guy has asked me to dinner because he owes me...long story. i just don't know what is going on. I feel so lost in my own world, but there is nothing to be lost in...work...that is all i seem to do. Work, Work, Work. All work and no time to be ME!!! i don't know...will write soon all about the dinner of course!

My birthday

So today i am 28 and i don't think this birthday was like any of the rest. I'm a little depressed and i'm not sure why...but i hope this feeling goes away soon. I hate to be depressed. ?I just don't know what i am feeling?